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How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to rip your partner’s clothes off on a whim (it might definitely make for a hot relationship), but whether or not there is a deeper romance will determine the loyalty level. Knowing the difference between love and lust will help you better understand how romantically involved you envision being with your partner to get the long term. And, what is more, it’ll provide you a great idea of how to feel seeing her or his weaknesses and how they effect you.

As a certified health coach , I work with people on feeling satisfied in their relationships, no matter what that actually stands for. Sometimes, people are only after lust, or rather an intimate (frequently mostly physical) relationship that is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Think: You can not keep your hands off each other when together. But , usually there’s less of a link beyond the physical (you are kind of dating the human body, instead of the individual inside it). As there’s an attachment and understanding that there, contrarily, a relationship built on love will have a more significance. No matter what you searching for, the two can be fulfilling the result will fluctuate.

You Have Meaningful Conversation

Based on Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, above email with Bustle, in case you’re finding a deeper level of communication, there’s probably a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond just physical attraction, that is a great sign that there is love. You have the ability to have meaningful conversations, discuss your dreams for your own relationship, learn more about one another’s interests and family background,” Rabbi Slatkin explains.


“Should you end up romantically and sexually aroused by these, but have no interest in the mental and other non-sexual facets of the relationship, then it probably is just lust,” says David Bennett, a certified counselor and dating pro to Bustle.

You are Still Invested In Them Even With Bad Sex

If you’re suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your partner, or you do not enjoy her or his style in bed, but you still want to stay with them for a ton of different reasons, it’s likely because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a connection that’s deeper than merely sexual attraction, and is mental and even intellectual, and continues even when you may be struggling to connect intimately with your spouse,” says Bennett.


“Lust is usually chemical, primal and firmly physical. It typically involves idealization and dream about the person,” states Stacy Kaiser, Live Joyful Editor In Large and certified psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love tends to be calmer and quieter. It requires more time to develop and feels more like an emotional and mental bond than a physical or chemical one,” Kaiser adds.

You’re Obsessive

“Lust and the early stages of a relationship involve the dependence center of your mind, which is fed by the hormones that surge through you every time you visit or think about the object of the dreams,” states Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you’re always looking for a ‘fix’ of your partner then you are probably still at the lust phase. If you’re able to go some time with no contact and are not continually considering them then you’ve moved to the love or attachment stage,” Archard describes.

You Feel Grounded Around Them

“Love is deep seated feeling. Enjoy is layered. When you love somebody, the entire package is taken by you. You wish to get to know them. You care about them and care for their wellbeing,” states Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, to Bustle. In general, you will be more enthusiastic about peeling back these layers.

You’re Doing “Couple” Things

“From the time enjoy occurs, couples are usually moving in with them, buying a home, moving up the career ladder, and believing of children. They have much more pressure happening in their life, which helps to eliminate (or slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and founder of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You’re Focused On Getting What You Want

Here’s an integral difference: Lust is all about getting what you need (perhaps some hot sex ?) , while love is more about giving on a partner and enduring the relationship, explains Author & dating coach, Brian Taylor, to Bustle. Think about it’ll help determine whether you’re feeling love or lust and where your mind is.

You Don’t Feel Safe To Open

“Should you feel safe to share your feelings in your relationship, and you feel accepted despite your flaws, it’s likely love. If Read Full Article believe you either can’t or don’t want to discuss your feelings and be emotionally vulnerable in your relationship, then it is likely lust,” Shirani M. site link , LCSW, Dating Center of Silicon Valley, says above email with Bustle.

If you discover any of these gaps popping up in your relationship, then you’ll certainly get a few signals to comprehend the difference. That is great if it’s aligned with what you want. If not, it’s time.